I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
