This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
