she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
