Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize