I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
