my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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