oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
