My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
