before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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