redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
