nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
