u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize