I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
