no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
