shes about as inviting as chlamydia
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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