So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think people are normalizing furries
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
