She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
