matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
