I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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