Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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