oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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