Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
