I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
