This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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