your room smells of hookers.
And success
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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