I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
