can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
