I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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