dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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