I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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