Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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