A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
