I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
