Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
