I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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