just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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