I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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