wanna go halves on a baby?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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