...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
