nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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