During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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