They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
