at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
