k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
