Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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