Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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