So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
