You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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