I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
