When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
