I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
