Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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