I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize