Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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