the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
