Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
