apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sext me about skeletons
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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