i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well I just put wine in my tea
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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