The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
