I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
