Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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