You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
