WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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