"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
