there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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