Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
